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“It was either a very big cat or quite a small tiger.”
“It was either a very big cat or quite a small tiger.”
I am eagerly waiting Draco’s first review—here’s hoping he found Pride and Prejudice just as thrilling as I did!
First of all, thank you so much for your feedback! It’s greatly appreciated, and I’ll be sure to do a bit of research on the novels you suggested and I’ll most definitely think about adding them to list! Honestly, any sort of book that can assist my husband in understanding the complexity of Muggle emotions and their capability to produce classic and timeless pieces of literature is one that I’d like to have him read—the more the merrier, yes?
…Besides, the more time Draco spends reading, the less time he’ll be able to spend antagonizing my poor Crookshanks.
From the desk of Hermione Malfoy (nee Granger)
Head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
Founder of S.P.E.W, the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare;
Please contact my office (home or otherwise) if you have any queries regarding either.
First of all, I’d just like to start out by clarifying that there is absolutely nothing that is, to use Draco’s ill-chosen word, “evil” about my cat! My Crookshanks is as harmless as a little fly; he would never so much as touch a hair on my husband’s ridiculously large and shiny head. He is getting a bit on in age, though, hence why he probably ended up needing to sit down and rest on Draco’s sheet of parchment. There was most certainly nothing malicious about the poor dear’s motives, and if I catch Draco saying otherwise, I can and will arrange to have Harry and Ginny’s anniversary party thrown at our home. See how he likes that! Honestly, maybe if he spent a little less time complaining about Crookshanks, and chose instead to spend a bit of time scratching behind his ears and feeding him his cat treats, I’m sure he would realize that there’s absolutely nothing evil about him in the slightest. For Merlin’s sake! It’s hardly Crookshanks fault that his joints are getting sore in his old age—why else would he have…erm…borrowed a few pairs of Draco’s underpants and kept them in his bed, if not to use them to cushion his weary bones? And I’m not even going to begin to comment on his bit about my so-called “bushy” hair—I’ll be dealing with that later. Let’s just say that my husband grows a little cranky when he can’t find his favorite shampoo and conditioner set, and that he won’t even think to check in the drawer containing my…um, feminine hygiene products, to look for them. Ha ha ha!
While you’ve undoubtedly already gathered enough information from Draco’s letter to understand the purpose behind our little challenge, allow me to provide you with a little more of an in-depth explanation—sans my husband’s tendency to slip in a few highly unneeded snide remarks and perchance for dramatics. I love my husband, but he spends a great deal of time going on and on about how Muggles (whom make up the entirety of my biological family, by the way, a fact that he tends to forget more often than not) aren’t nearly as sophisticated or intelligent as their magical counterparts.
He’s obviously been misinformed, which…considering his strict Pureblood upbringing, isn’t any sort of surprise. But I digress! I’m determined to prove to him that Muggles are more than capable of providing the world with intellectually stimulating and well thought out works of literature, in hopes of showing him that non-Magical folk aren’t at all the sort of barbarians he seems to consider them as. After all, what better way to prove their intelligence and sophistication to my husband than to introduce him to classic Muggle literature? There’s not a single doubt in my mind that, after reading literary treasures such as Pride and Prejudice and The Great Gatsby, Draco will develop a newfound appreciation for Muggles and the depths of their emotional capacity, as well as their capability to produce a well-written and timeless piece of literature that even he can’t help but enjoy. While Draco will never, ever admit to this, he’s every bit as stubborn and proud as a Gryffindor—hence why he was unable to back down from the challenge I served him with! He’s bound and determined to prove me wrong, but…well, I can say with the utmost confidence that the only one who’s going to be proved wrong during this little experiment of mine is him. By the end of the challenge, I’m certain that my husband will have reached a state of enlightenment that he would have otherwise gone without had he not accepted this dare in the first place. He doesn’t realize it as of yet, but by the time he’s not even halfway through the list of books I’ve provided him with, he’s already going to have found a new appreciation for Muggles that he didn’t before—and I can’t wait to see the look on his pale and pointy face when he’s forced to admit that I’m right. Crookshanks and I might even have to throw a party in celebration!
I do believe my husband has already given links to the corresponding blogs we plan on using to document our little project, but just in case (and because I like to make sure that everything is organized to my standards, of course), here they are once more—mine (grangersbooks) and Draco’s (dracoreads). I would like to urge you all to interact with us and even give a bit of feedback if you’re so inclined to; someone has to agree with me that my husband can be an utter loon when he wants to! It’s either that or I’ll have to persuade Ron and Harry to comment on each of Draco’s book reviews, and….well, as you can imagine, that more than likely wouldn’t go over well at all. But whatever you do, please don’t go out of your way to compliment my husband. His ego is already far too big as it is, and there isn’t a Cooling Charm in existance strong enough to cancel out all the hot air in his head. Not that I haven’t been working on developing one, of course—it’s either that or dump him headfirst into a bathtub filled with ice cubes!
There! Contrary to what Draco said, that wasn’t boring at all, was it? In fact, I think it was far superior to Draco’s first letter, and if he wasn’t pretending to be asleep and fake snoring at my side (the nerve of him!), I would be sure to inform him of such. Until then, though…I have some shampoo to hide, and a cat to feed. It’s been lovely corresponding with you all, and I can’t wait to read Draco’s first review!
- Hermione Malfoy
Read the story here.